I need people to be okay with Judging others. In fact, I believe we should Judge more, but understand the differences between Judging and Condemning.
Condemning should be considered OFF LIMITS, and something we should NEVER do.
I think, if we evaluate HOW we judge, we can judge more appropriately without pigeonholing people into one-dimensional characterizations that condemn them never to do any better or any worse.
Here are some examples of condemning:
- My dad drinks, a lot, so I Judge him as an alcoholic.
- I don’t condemn him never to change. He may never change, but it’s not because he is unable to do so.
- My daughter is straight “A” student. Judge her as smart, capable, or studious.
- Don’t condemn her to excellence, and the expectation to excel at everything she tries. That could be the worst thing for her. That’s a lot of pressure.
Let’s look at the definitions of the two words, JUDGE and CONDEMN. What sticks out?
Judge:
- to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically
- to make a careful guess about; estimate
Condemn:
- to pronounce to be guilty; sentence to punishment
- to declare incurable.
So here is how I interpret these words:
Judge = OPINION (This may or may not be true.)
Condemn = SENTENCE (There is no way back.)
How do you interpret these words?
Judgment is unavoidable…Take a look at some of these pictures.
To Judge sounds like:
“Oh, I hope she gets the job.”
To Condemn sounds like:
“If they don’t hire her, I’ll know this company’s stance on hiring women.”
To Judge sounds like:
“Geez, has she thought about how she’s making the women in the office look?”
To Condemn sounds like:
“Wow, I guess we all know why she was hired!”
To Judge sounds like:
“Ok, this is getting outta hand. You’ve gotta try to get this under control.”
To Condemn sounds like:
“Fat slob. He will be dead soon.”
To Judge sounds like:
“Ok, they are a good example of the obesity problem in America. They are big girls.”
To Condemn sounds like:
“I’ll bet they just eat all day and run in fear from the gym. This country sucks, and so do all the people in it.”
The Judge should make observations, while the condemner decides on conclusions.
Judgment helps you gauge yourself.
Without the examples of those around us being slugs or scholars, how else would we know what we define as RIGHT and WRONG?
Find the fat, the skinny, the loud, the tattooed, the daring, the talkative, the obnoxious, the drinkers, and the smokers, anyone we can think of to judge. Judge them and judge them harshly, factually and without hate.
Here’s why:
Let’s say you are a smoker. You see one of those commercials where the person’s face has fallen off, or half their throat has been removed. You can and should judge their past actions and habits, and make direct connections to their current state despair. You judged them. Now you might consider making changes in your life, based on the judgement you made.
What matters most is that you judged.
External things should always be judged by all of us. We make a lot of decisions based on our judgments. Like when we make purchases from online stores:
Take a website that most people are familiar with, amazon.com.
*Globally ranked #6 at the time of this writing.
When shopping on amazon.com, buying a product that has no reviews is something we’d, almost absolutely, NEVER do. In fact, it MUST have no less than a FOUR-STAR review. We are judging (and ultimately) condemning all products that do not meet at least our four-star standard. They’ve usually got no chance of making it into your cart, or even your wish list.
You’ve condemned these products! You also condemned yourself never to experience them. We need to have some measure of what IS or ISN’T good for us. Arbitrary or not.
Judging can help us redirect or pivot.
For example:
Q: How do you look in those pants?
A: Judge yourself fairly.
Q: Does this outfit flatter my current body type?
A: Again judge yourself reasonably.
Q: Should I go back to school and get my degree?
A: Judge your life’s career, will the degree matter as you’ve defined success in your life?
Q: Should I be saving more money?
A: Judge your life, your debt, and your account balance. Are you happy with it?
Q: Should I get a second plate of food?
A: Go to the mirror and JUDGE yourself. The answer will be staring back at you.
Perhaps we can judge ourselves after judging others first:
Q: Did she actually leave the house dressed that way?
A: She’s got the same body type as me. I hope I don’t look like that.
Q: Is he really not going to hold the door for her?
A: Clearly that’s something I value in a man. I’ve got to find myself a chivalrous guy.
Judgment is healthy. But condemning is harmful.
Judging is just you SAYING, ACCEPTING, and ACKNOWLEDGING what you are already THINKING.
Feeling guilty about your JUDGMENTS of those FACTS isn’t a good thing.
Judging creates a barometer.
As you grow and change, you will begin to judge things differently. This is something you must realize sooner rather than later. You must constantly judge in order to see where you are and what you think.
Ultimately, judging can help you assess your thoughts whether good, bad, or indifferent. You will even begin to judge your own judgments, and improve your ability to assess a significant amount of situations fairly.
Condemning, on the other hand, is absolute and final. Condemning provides no real path for anyone to redeem themselves, EVER. Those that condemn subscribe to the facts that a person WILL or WILL NOT do something. But, there is no way they could know when or if a person will change. Or how that person might grow. You’ll never see or allow it, because you simply don’t allow change. You’ve condemned it.
Judge More, Judge Often. It’s Reasonable.
Never Condemn. Not only is it unreasonable, it’s just wrong.
